Gifts

by Rachael on December 25, 2014

It’s been a difficult December, and difficult for reasons other than the usual holiday madness, though truthfully the madness felt even more maddening than usual this year. But yesterday I thought, for perhaps the millionth time so far in my lifetime, at least I have poetry, and language.

And, of course, these guys.

Shining path

Many blessings to you this holiday season!

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Don’t Steel Yourself

by Rachael on December 18, 2014

new year sky

On the day my mother died, one of my cousins drove my sister and me from New Haven to the house where we grew up. “Don’t steel yourself,” he told us that night. I don’t remember anything else he said then, but that one sentence has been a mantra for me in times of sorrow. Because in the years immediately after my mother died, I did steel myself, and for years I suffered for it. Better to let your heart crack open than to harden it against grief.

A week ago today one of my uncles died, and this mantra has again been on my mind. My Uncle Laurie had a large, open heart, and I cannot think of him without thinking of him laughing, telling a joke, or gracing us with a smile. Sometimes it may hurt to have an open heart, but overall I’d say it was a good way to live. May he rest in peace.

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The Process

December 11, 2014

Everything changed this fall. In September the Gnome started preschool, where his schedule more or less matches L’s at the public elementary school. For the first time since I became a mother, I have all the weekdays to myself, at least when there’s school, and at least until about 2:30 (when I really ought to […]

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August 29, 2014

A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama …

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Swimming

August 26, 2014

It was about four years ago that, in reference to the lake, he said his first sentence: “No like it.” Thus it was to my great surprise yesterday that he said, “I love to swim!” Never mind that he wasn’t actually swimming. He was in the water, and he was smiling: close enough.

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August 15, 2014

A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama …

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Better Late

August 13, 2014

The bluebells bloomed later than usual this year, a week or so after my birthday. As usual, I made sure to go see them, and as usual, I took photographs. For nearly three months now, the photographs have been sitting in my camera, unseen. I have thought of them often, intending to upload and post […]

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Epiphany

August 7, 2014

One afternoon last week, I decided to take L to Coney Island so that we could put our feet in the water. We brought beach toys, but we didn’t even wear our bathing suits. As it turned out, the beach satisfied a longing I didn’t even know that I had, for the open sky and […]

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July 25, 2014

A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama … For something like a year now, cosleeping with the Gnome has looked much like this. Perhaps we should get him a harder mattress.

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July 18, 2014

A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama … What I like about this ritual is that it is a ritual: a pattern of behavior that, when practiced skillfully, cultivates the effort that is effortless. This particular ritual is one that I take up and abandon frequently, as my blog archives show. Right now, it is a […]

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