The Fool, Key 0 in the Major Arcana of the Tarot, has long been a talisman for me, mainly because it represents so much that I am afraid of. I am afraid of risk, and I am afraid of looking foolish. The Fool, on the other hand, though inexperienced, is open to experience. The Fool is often surprised, sometimes happily so, and sometimes not. The Fool makes mistakes, but the Fool learns.
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| “The edge which opens on the depth has no terror; it is as if angels were waiting to uphold him, if it came about that he leaped from the height.” — A. E. Waite |
Let me tell you, I was a big fool when I decided to become a work-at-home mother! My foolishness had nothing to do with the decision to work at home—as a freelancer, I had been doing so for more than a year before the Critter was born. I already had the necessary skills, clients, and discipline to work at home. No, my foolishness was that I knew nothing about caring for little ones! Nothing! I actually thought that I could just do my work at home while my infant and then toddler occupied himself! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Alas, now I know better. Nevertheless, I forge on. Meanwhile, I’ve been seeking books and other resources to help me figure out how to take care of the Critter during the workday, how to structure our days, whether I really have to work only while he sleeps, and etc. I’ve found that the resources intended specifically for work-at-home moms mostly focus on the work side of things, including tons of information about how to choose, start, and maintain a home-based business, but not much information about how to take good care of your children while you take care of your business. First, I thought, why don’t I create the resource I’ve been looking for? Later, I thought, yikes, I’m doing a crap job of balancing mothering and work, how dare I think I should try to provide a resource for others attempting to do so? More recently, though, I decided: what the hell, why not?
And so, going forward, on Tuesdays*: a look at how I’m making this working-at-home-while-mothering thing work. Or how I’m trying to make it work, anyway. I’m still a fool, but I’m learning….
Next Tuesday: lists galore!
* Though the Tuesday series has since been discontinued, my exploration of work-life balance is ongoing.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent goal and excellent idea – can't wait to read your insights! xoxo
Ooh I hope you do write that list. I need it.
So I love the fool. I remember when I got my first tarot deck I pulled the fool again and again. In my deck it is called the seed and shows a woman dancing on the wind. It reminded me of the freedom of putting yourself out there and daring to start something new. Of course you are opening yourself to the risk of getting hurt, getting laughed at or just down right failing, but it’s worth it for the feeling of letting go.
(And it reminds me of maidenhood which feels so very far away from my married ‘ole mothering self.)
It’s been years and years and years since I’ve tried to do a tarot reading myself. I’ve been thinking of going to a “Tarot Salon” that Kris Waldherr hosts at her gallery in my neighborhood. She’s designed and illustrated two decks (maybe more?): the Goddess Tarot and The Lover’s Path Tarot. I always used to use the Page of Cups to represent myself, but I realized a couple days ago that it would now be more appropriate for me to use the Queen of Cups instead. I’m not sure which aspect of the idea shocked me more: that I’m no longer a young girl, or that I could actually represent myself as a queen!
I love all your “Ha”s. We had the same naive expectations, and the same laughing-at-ourselves moment. Ah, well!
Lauren @ Hobo Mama recently posted… Sunday Surf- The taxman cometh
All those “Ha”s are sort of stolen from a story by Lorrie Moore, in Birds of America.
I must say I am very interested to hear how things shift in your family’s life with the addition of your second child. I have this idea that with a second child, I won’t be so foolish. If I ever do have a second child, I think I’ll be looking back at that idea with not a little rueful laughter!