The term work-life balance has never seemed quite right to me. I am not alone in disliking the term, though whereas others have trouble with the word balance, I have trouble with the duality implied by the term work-life.
First, it does not strike me as beneficial to think of one’s paid work as separate from the rest of one’s life. Attempting to disassociate myself from my professional life certainly never did me much good, for example; it only ended up reinforcing whatever unhappiness I was feeling about my job. Second, though one might think of one’s job as one thing (which, by the way, as a freelancer working at several gigs at once, I don’t), it’s pretty hard to think of the rest of one’s life as just one thing. What does my life outside of my paid work include? There’s my family, friends, writing, Zen practice, running … and, of course, plenty of (unpaid) work that needs doing. Everyone else’s lives, I’m sure, are similarly variegated. Thus work-life balance is such a misleading term. So much more than just two things need to be balanced!
At the end of August, I challenged myself to publish a post every weekday in September. As you might have noticed, I did not meet this challenge. After two weeks, it became clear that one post every weekday is just too much for me right now.
This experience of too much pointed me toward a term I like much better than work-life balance. What am I seeking? Maybe not work-life balance so much as the right amount. The right amount of paid work. The right amount of family time. The right amount of writing time. And so on …
Three Ways to Find the Right Amount
Although I have not quite found the right amount of much of anything, I do believe I am making my way there. And on my way, I have gained some wisdom about the search.
- Prioritize needs — both your family’s and your own. And, as a corollary, understand that your needs include more than just food, clothing, shelter, sleep, and so on. For example, I need to write — every day. No one likes being with the anxious beast I become when I am not writing regularly.
- Develop a routine — daily, weekly, or both — that’s designed to help you meet your and your family’s needs. The less I have to think about what’s for dinner tonight or when I’m going to write the next draft of a poem, the better. Also, given a routine, I know how much time I have to give to the various parts of my life, and I can easily make adjustments, if necessary.
- Allow yourself to experiment. I never regarded my post-every-weekday challenge as a commitment so much as an experiment. This way of thinking about it allowed me to shift gears when it became clear that posting every weekday wasn’t working for me.
What tips would you add to this list?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you got it right with those three points. It doesn’t need to be complicated. A healthy dose of “usually, not always” (a la Renee from FIMBY) helps too – a little freedom in the routine helps with the experimentation aspect.
I loved that “usually, not always” post, but I fear that I probably fall to the side of “not always” a little too frequently. Nevertheless, “usually” is a good aspiration.
I agree the term ‘work-life balance’ somehow seems artificial, suggesting misleading boundaries. I saw a book today called _The Three Marriages_ by David Whyte that seems to ask some of the same important questions you are asking here. I wondered if you’d heard of it or him. Looked interesting.
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Just added it to my want-to-read list! I like the use of the word marriage. Following Arlie Hochschild, I’ve tended to refer to my “three shifts.” A “marriage” is much nicer than a “shift.”
I’m working on creating positive routines right now. I take on a couple of new things every month. I think that by keeping it small, it’s more manageable. My other thing is to try to focus on what’s in front of me, and just do one thing at a time. Fully inhabit each task. I’m not very good at this, but it helps me to feel when I’ve reached the right amount better.
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For a time, I was trying to start one new habit per month, but that fell away with the birth of the Gnome. Perhaps it’s time to start the habit-making habit again.
YES! I hate the phrase “work-life balance” because it implicitly makes work the center of life, and at the same time implies that everything but paid work is leisure which, um, no, and also that your work is somehow separate from your life: as if life is not happening while you are on the clock. Also, what if I don’t consider my paid work my life’s work? What if that is just one more aspect of evolving as a person, or a soul? Thank you for posting, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks the phrase is b.s.
Yes – strongly agree. I think the search for meaningful work is part of a search for balance in general. Sometimes we have to do work that isn’t all that rewarding because we need the money, and that has to be balanced with everything else too. But calling it a ‘work-life’ balance is a false dichotomy.