Unschooling the School of Me

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: We’re all home schoolers

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month participants have shared how their children learn at home as a natural part of their day. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Tuesdays at The Variegated Life: a look at how I’m making this working-at-home-while-mothering thing work. Or how I’m trying to make it work, anyway …

One of the Zen master’s five modes of teaching is through ordinary encounters with the student — a chat about the changing seasons, a phone call about an upcoming retreat, anything. Recently, it struck me that parenting is the same way: I am always teaching the Critter, through my ordinary interactions with him as well as through my very presence. The realization freaked me out. I am no Zen master, and whatever wisdom I may have tends to come and go.

Nevertheless, I have to believe that I am not only the mother the Critter has, but also the mother the Critter needs. My job is to teach him not how to be perfect, but how to be human: flawed, but finding a way through the world. For this reason, a recent post on unschooling your whole life by The Organic Sister has stuck with me in the weeks since I first read it. I may be taking the word unschooling to mean something much smaller than what she means by it in this context, but for now it means this to me: to unlearn some of the stupid stuff I’ve learned and take up new, healthier ways of being, all the while showing the Critter that you are never just one thing. Change is always possible. In fact, it’s inevitable.

I am probably most unhappy about the way I take up work. Beckett says I have a strong work ethic; I think I’m a little nuts. And, because I work at home, the way I take up work permeates our home, where the Critter can’t help but see it — and I’m not sure I even want to know what he makes of it, as a two-year-old. I do know that I don’t want him to learn what I learned in school.

On vacation, but working

What I learned about work in school: The work is more important than my need for sleep. The work is more important than my relationships. The work is more important than my feelings. I can take a break, but only to catch up on the work. Life is rife with unpleasant tasks. I must strive to excel at all things, no matter whether or not I actually care about them. Excelling at the work is who I am. If I don’t do my best, I am nobody.

How do I teach the Critter otherwise? I can teach the Critter otherwise only insofar as I learn to take up work otherwise. (It should be noted, too, that thank goodness I am hardly the Critter’s only model. Beckett, for example, has a strong work ethic, without the nuts.) And so:

• We go outside every morning — to the tot lot, to the park, to watch the trains go by, to take care of errands. Because it is important to have the sky over our heads, and to run.
• I put the work down when something important comes up. Important things can include the Critter’s wanting water, or milk, or to dance.
• I am seeking (as Robert Frost put it) “to unite / My avocation and my vocation.” In other words, I am striving (slowly, steadily) to change my means of earning an income so that it is truly an expression of what I want to give of myself to the world.

I have so many weaknesses in this arena. I should go to bed earlier. I shouldn’t take work along on our vacations. I should be in more frequent touch with friends. I (we) should take better care of our home. But I’m trying to change the karma of thirtysomething years — of course it’s going to take time! And I’m pleased with how much I’ve changed already. Every morning that we go to the park, for example, I feel like I’m getting away with something. After all, I’ve accomplished nothing but going for a run, looking at the ducks, geese, and turtles with the Critter, and maybe throwing his ball around with him. And then usually the twenty-minute walk home takes at least twice as long: there’s a water fountain to play with, horses to watch, and sticks to poke through the holes in a manhole cover. As for the Critter, he probably doesn’t feel like he’s getting away with anything. As far as he knows, all of this is just life.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated September 14 with all the carnival links.)

• A is for Apple {But right now it’s more fun to pick apples!} — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has a four-year-old who wisely knows she must forgo the worksheets for now and do things with her mother if she’s going to learn.
• Baby Talks — Amy at Anktangle talks, talks, talks all day long to her preverbal baby, about simple things and complexities. (@anktangle)
• Baby University: Little Man, My Teacher — The ArtsyMama shares how her relaxed and patient “teaching” at home resulted in a confident little one when she returned to work.
• Creating a Sensory Garden — A sensory garden has given Marita at Stuff With Thing and her girls practice in math, science, budgeting, fine motor skills, and more. (@leechbabe)
• Despite the Big Yellow Bus — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has surprised many friends by sending her kids off to mainstream schooling — but their learning doesn’t stop there. (@seonaid_lee)
• Down on the Farm — Megan at Purple Dancing Dhalias describes the multitude of skills her children learn by homeschooling on a farm.
• Early Childhood Education — First Do No Harm — Laura at Laura’s Blog provides an incredible list of tips to facilitate learning at home.
• Education Starts At Home — Luschka at Diary of a First Child was happy to realize that learning at home isn’t limited to older children. (@lvano)
• Every Day Is A School Day — Summer at Finding Summer lists the ways her family learns in this poem of a post. (@summerminor)
• hands on — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts read her little one Sherlock Holmes in utero. She’ll continue to make learning fun now that he’s on this side of the womb. (@thegrumbles)
• Have a Happy Heart — Erica at ChildOrganics has days of poop on the couch and oatmeal down the pants when sending her children to school seems like the perfect solution — until she regains her perspective. (@childorganics)
• Home Sweet Home Schooling — Check out CurlyMonkey’s Blog for a photo montage of how her kids are learning anatomy, architecture, and more — all at home. (@curlymonkey_)
• Homeschooling — My Needs? — Do you homeschool for the kids, or do you do it for you? Read some thoughts from Home Grown Families. (@momtosprouts)
• Homeschooling: A Way of Life — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia has children who meet learning with enthusiasm and are becoming self-sufficient at a young age. (@UsborneBooksCB)
• How We Homeschooled — Deb at Living Montessori Now details in retrospect how her two lifelong learners spent their homeschooling years. (@DebChitwood)
• Learning at Home With a Preschooler and Toddler — Need some inspiration? Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her tips and resources for lifelong learning. (@TheParentVortex)
• Learning at Home: Are We All Homeschoolers? — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings incorporates homeschool ideas even though she plans to send her kids to school. (@sunfrog)
• Learning From Life — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting doesn’t even have to think about how her daughter learns. She just does it. (@mamapoekie)
• Learning Through Play — What better way to learn at home than through play? Dionna at Code Name: Mama lists the many ways children learn through play, whether they know it or not. (@CodeNameMama)
• Learning With Savoury Pikelets — Deb at Science@Home breaks down how cooking facilitates learning. (@ScienceMum)
• Lessons Learned by Bowling (Yes, Bowling) — What life lessons can you learn from bowling? Ask Jessica from This is Worthwhile. (@tisworthwhile)
• Life is learning, learning is life. — Kristin, guest posting at Janet Fraser — Where birth and feminism intersect, defends the truth that children are hardwired to learn. (@JoyousLearning)
• life learning… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children found that structured schooling is about teaching, whereas unschooling is about learning, and her family resonated with the latter.
• Live to Learn Together — RealMommy at True Confessions of a Real Mommy knows that children learn in all different styles, so only one-on-one attention can do the trick.
• Natural Parenting and the Working Mom — Jenny from Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares how natural parenting in the Philippines — and learning at home — includes “yayas” (nannies). (@crazydigger)
• Not Back to School: How We Learn at Home — Denise at This Holistic Life has learned to describe what unschooling is, rather than what it isn’t.
• Our Learning Curve — Andrea of Ella-Bean & Co. has a special bookshelf set up where her daughter can explore the world on her own terms.
• School at Our House — Where is learning happening at Kellie at Our Mindful Life’s house? It is pouring all over the floor. It is digging down deep in the earth. It is everywhere!
• Schooling Three Little Piggies — Despite the mess and the chaos, Melissa at White Noise lets her children into the kitchen.
• SuperMom versus The Comic Books of Doom! — Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup realized that if “getting the kids to read” was the goal, it didn’t matter what the kids read. (@mommysoup)
• The joy of learning at home — Heather at Life, Gluten Free has a daughter who sees magic in the stars and understands the honeybees. (@lifeglutenfree)
• those who can’t teach — Do you need a superiority complex to homeschool? Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wonders.
• Too lazy to unschool? — If unschoolers aren’t lazy, Lauren at Hobo Mama wonders if she’s too lazy to live her dream of free-form education. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Unschooling the School of Me — Rachael at The Variegated Life considers what she’s teaching her son about work as a work-at-home mother — and the extreme work ethic she doesn’t want him to emulate. (@RachaelNevins)
• What We Do All Day — Alison at BluebirdMama discovered that it’s easier than she thought it would be to quantify how her child learns all day. (@childbearing)
• Who taught that kid ‘exoskeleton’? — Nervous about how you will facilitate learning at home? Don’t be – they will absorb things on their own! Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma shares her story. (@kitchenwitch)

Tagged as: CarNatPar, Carnival of Natural Parenting